


How Much a Heart Can Take

by hollowworldhope



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Childbirth, M/M, Medical Jargon, Mpreg, Pregnant Jensen Ackles, graphic birth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-07 10:15:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19207309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollowworldhope/pseuds/hollowworldhope
Summary: It was a difficult pregnancy from the beginning, but after Jared’s SUV skids off the road during a snow storm will he be able to keep his pregnant husband and unborn children safe?





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic back in 2011 and have decided to transfer it here from my LiveJournal. I'm also updating the horrendous grammatical errors I never bothered to fix after my initial upload. 
> 
> I like drama and hurt with happy endings. There's not a lot of plot to this and quite a bit of exposition, but I think it's fun.

The first thing Jensen became aware of was the intense pounding behind his eyes. He could feel his head pulsating to the quickened beats of his heart. He was sitting up. Something across his chest was forcing him upright, not that he could really slump forward with his pregnant belly in the way.

Slowly he became aware of the sounds around him. His fast-paced breathing doubled along with some slow movement he heard close by. He pulled his eyes open and immediately shut them. White was surrounding him; it was too bright. Maybe he had gone blind. No he swore he saw something other than white…a dashboard? Slowly he squinted into the light.

He was in Jared’s SUV. Both airbags had deployed, the engine was silent, and the windshield had a web of cracks patterning the glass but was holding it’s own. 

How long had he been out? A thick layer of snow was coating the large pane of glass and sticking to the unbroken passenger side window. He guessed it couldn’t have been more than a few hours since it was still light out. He reached down with trembling hands to unbuckle his seatbelt groaning in relief as the pressure it had brought with it released. He gently felt where it had pressed on his belly knowing he would be bruised. He gently probed himself checking himself out. Besides the pounding in his skull, the bruise the seatbelt left, a little shortness of breath, and a constant ache from his whole body he seemed all right. His twins gave him a few gentle kicks to reassure him as well. During his search he realized, slightly embarrassed to do so, that he had wet himself.

After he assured himself that he was still alive, he became confused. He was supposed to be on complete bed rest. Why was he in Jared’s SUV? A sharp stabbing pain in his head along with seeing the quick puffs of mist his breath was forming brought it back to him. Jared was driving him to the Emergency Room during the snowstorm. This one was supposed to drop almost three feet of snow…

Jared!

His head almost spun around as he quickly looked to the empty driver’s seat. The driver’s door was completely obliterated. The window had been smashed and the door crumpled inward, but it looked as if it had been forced ajar. Jensen could see blood smeared on the remaining piece of shattered glass.

“Jared,” his wavering voice tried to call out. “Jared! Jared. Jar…ed…” His breathing had quickened along with his pounding in his head. He was trying to yell but it was painful to drag enough air into his lungs.

His back chose at that moment to seize up as the pain in his head spiked. One hand tried to reach around as he arched his back sending his belly almost into the dash, while the other tugged at his hair trying to alleviate the pain.

“Jar…ed…”


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for quite a bit of AU exposition...

Dr. Jared Padalecki had been an emergency room doctor for almost five years and had seen every sort of trauma there was. From simple sprains to gunshot wounds to a guy who somehow ended up with a fork in his skull. He’d also been accustomed to pregnancies since he had spent part of his residency in the maternity ward of Davis General Hospital. He’d also delved into every pregnancy manual he could find when it was revealed to them that Jensen was expecting.

The two had been together for almost three years. Jensen was a receptionist at the hospital and Jared ran into him almost twice a day on the elevator. They never said a word to one another, as Jared was usually too busy studying a patient’s chart or reading a new hospital policy. They never took much notice until one day when the two collided into each other, neither paying attention. Jared was rushing to catch the elevator as he was called for an emergency and Jensen was on his phone attempting to leave. Their collision sent their belongings sprawling and Jared’s coffee was left to spatter everywhere.

After their rushed and hurried apologies their eyes met. Jensen brought him a new coffee the next day which led to a few coffee dates, dinner and a movie…two years later they were married, a month after that Jensen was pregnant, two months after that they found out it was twins.

After an almost perfect relationship, Jensen’s health began to go south around the fifth month of his pregnancy.

He’d been at work, standing to file some papers in one of the back offices, when he suddenly had this sharp pain in his upper right abdomen and an immense pressure started to build across his chest. He’d become incredibly weak and short of breath in a matter of seconds. It happened so fast. One hand tried to hold onto the filing cabinet so he could remain standing, while the other went to his chest. He collapsed onto the floor feeling his heart racing beneath his fingers.

Jared had been on his lunch break when one of the emergency room doctors paged him to return to the ER asap. One of Jensen's co-workers had found him unconscious and they’d taken him down two floors to the emergency room immediately. By the time Jared found out where his husband was, they had revived him and hooked him up to oxygen, an IV, an EKG, and a fetal heart monitor. His systolic pressure had been up to around 200, which was something Jared couldn’t believe. The only medication they could give him without harming the twins was Methyldopa and his BP was slowly dropping to a normal rate. It rested near 140/90 which could be considered high but wasn’t nearly as high as earlier. Jensen’s obstetrician, Dr. Brewster, had been called and he had confirmed the ER attending’s fears of severe preeclampsia.

He spent the night in the hospital under observation and continued doses of Methyldopa. His blood pressure was constantly monitored as well as his oxygen saturation rate because of the possibility of pulmonary edema in his lungs. His bp dipped to 120/80 and he was allowed home with a prescription to keep his BP in check…only to be readmitted a month later after fainting in one of the work elevators. His bp wasn’t nearly as high, but it’s rise to 170/100 was enough for him to be kept for observation.

Amazingly both babies continued to grow remarkably well and were active. While the rest of his body was obviously losing weight, his stomach continued to grow, bulging further and further outward to accommodate the twins. Jensen was having trouble keeping food down a lot of the time or was too exhausted to even think of eating. As his chest and arms seemed to be losing weight he’d gained nearly 40lbs, nearly all of that going to his belly and hips.

Immediately after being released from this second hospital visit Jensen was put on maternity leave and forced on bed rest, only being allowed to get up to shower or use the bathroom. On the days when Jared had shifts at the ER, Jensen’s parents would be there. It was frustrating for him to even imagine being shut up in his bedroom for the last three months. Whenever he needed to get up, he needed help standing, and into his eighth month even walking. Dizziness was constant when he was in motion.

Jared was constantly there for him, bringing him food and water, helping him to shower and use the bathroom. He would entertain him and instead of going out with friends from work he would sit with his husband and gently rub circles into his belly or back. Every time Jensen would snap at him out of frustration he would bite his tongue or let his husband cry on his shoulder. It was a hard two months without anything too eventful occurring in between. They’d gone to all the checkups and kept all the ultrasounds in a small book to document their little baby A’s and B’s growth. Jared had decorated the nursery per Jen’s instructions and under the circumstances everything was going great.

Up until 34 weeks…

\---

Almost there…almost! 

Jared Padalecki’s right gloved hand slid from it’s position on the icy slope as he gripped tightly to the emergency road flare in his left hand. He was attempting to scale the steep slippery slope his SUV had careened down about four hours ago. This was his sixth attempt and so far it was the farthest he’d come to reaching the road…then his left boot slipped out from behind him and he once again lost his footing and slid all the way back down the embankment. He looked back up the bank through the sparsely growing pine trees and saw the ice clearly through the new layer of snow. All his failed attempts were evident in the disturbed fluff. It was still falling, much more slowly than it had been, but it meant he was trudging in about two feet of snow and it was impossible to tell where the ice was hiding. He hadn’t heard a car pass since waking up almost an hour ago. He might have a better chance of finding a way up the 20 foot slope a little further ahead, but he was afraid to go too far from Jensen.

He winced as he got to his knees again feeling his cracked ribs ache and the few broken ones shift. The way his face contorted tugged at the gash along the side of his head that ran from his left cheek to his hairline. It felt sticky to the touch but he was glad it had stopped bleeding. He pulled off his black knit cap to make sure his forehead hadn’t started bleeding again before replacing it gently over his ears. A bit of blood had stained the shoulder of his green jacket and his jeans.

He took a deep breath (well as deep as his ribs would allow him) and struggled to his feet pulling out his phone to check the time… since that was all it seemed good for. He’d spent almost an hour trying to get a signal. It was still useless in that aspect, but he was able to tell it was 4:30 in the afternoon.

“Jar…ed!”

Jensen’s weakened gasping voice was coming from the SUV. As quickly as his aching ribs would allow him, he rushed to the crushed vehicle. A large outcropping of rocks surrounded it, which is what halted it’s journey down the hill. A large boulder on the passenger side prevented Jared from entering the car that way. The car had swiped a large rock on the driver side on the way down causing most of the damage. A few other large rocks were what stopped the cars momentum and prevented the rear doors from opening.

“Jar…ed…”

He could hear his lover practically crying his name causing him to regret leaving the man alone in the SUV no matter how unconscious he was.

“Jensen!” he called back reaching for the broken driver's side door and peering inside. He saw his husband’s body arched his eyes clenched tight, one hand in his hair the other pressing on his back. Jared climbed into the driver’s seat and gently rubbed his back. “What is it? Jen!”

Eventually his eyes opened and took in his husband’s worried and bloody face inches from his. “Jar...”

His breathing slowed but was still too fast paced to be normal. “Back spasm,” he admitted as his face gradually showed it’s relief as it passed and he sat back once again. “You scared me.”

“I can say the same,” Jared replied kissing his forehead and smoothing his hair back slightly before turning to look for his EMT kit he always kept in the car in case of emergency. “We skid off the road almost four hours ago. I was beginning to think you were going to have me find a way out on my own." 

He felt the handle and pulled the heavy bag out from behind his seat. His chest screamed at him and little black spots danced in front of his eyes. “Shit!” he gasped out clenching his eyes shut and panting, trying to get the pain to subside.

Jensen’s face became filled with concern for his husband. “You’re hurt.”

“It’s not that bad…just a bitch!” Jared grit out, catching his breath before replacing the unused road flare and digging in his bag for his blood pressure cuff and stethoscope. “Just a few cracked ribs.” He slowly sat up and took a deep but cautious breath, situating himself before turning his attention back to Jensen.

He was wearing an xxl black winter coat, a mustard yellow zip up hoodie, and a white t-shirt. He helped him get his left arm out of the jacket and hoodie. He hooked the blood pressure cuff up and did a few test pumps. It unnerved him to feel heat almost radiating from his skin and seeing the lack of goose bumps appear on his naked arm.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

The only reason they were even out of the house during this snowstorm was to bring Jensen to the hospital. He’d been having severe headaches and nausea for about five hours before shortness of breath set in. His blood pressure had been steadily rising no matter what they’d done to try and lower it. He’d even taken an extra dose of his blood pressure medication, even though he was afraid it might harm the babies. Jared was almost frantic when even that just seemed to slow the rise but didn’t lower it at all. Jared watched as it steadily rose from 140/90 to 160/100; it was then that he had made the decision to head out in the blizzard to seek medical help. Jensen’s red face and shaking form (especially his hands) worried him almost as much as his breathing which had slowly become more and more like wheezing.

Jared took a look at his husband now in the SUV and saw no real significant change since they left hours ago. He set to work seeing what the new reading was for Jensen’s blood pressure.

“Lean forward a bit. How are you feeling?” Jared asked seriously with a sigh, unhooking the cuff and pressing the stethoscope under his husband’s shirt to his back. “Deep breath, Jen.”

“Head still…pounding,” he said attempting to breathe deeply in and out. “Back and hips ache…hands still…shaky. Kinda hard to…breathe, but not so…bad.”

Jared let out a nod and pushed him back against the seat moving the stethoscope to his chest. He could feel the too fast heart beat pounding back. He pulled up his t-shirt and moved the stethoscope lower to listen to his lover’s pregnant belly. Jensen jumped a bit at the cold metal on his sensitive stomach.

“They’ve been kicking up a storm,” Jensen said with a smile patting the side of his large belly with a bony hand. “Keeping their papa from worrying too much.”

Jared grinned, as he always did, when he felt movement kick at his hand. He removed the buds from his ears and wrapped the scope around his neck before beginning to gently probe the obvious pregnancy. Jensen winced when he touched where the seatbelt had pulled but other than that his babies seemed fine as far as Jared could tell. He noticed that it appeared Jensen had urinated but didn’t feel the need to mention it…Jensen already knew about that.

“How’s it look, Dr. Padalecki?”

“Well…” Jared sighed as he pulled Jensen’s shirt back down and rezipped the hoodie to cover his belly protectively. “Your BP is still much higher than it should be, but that’s no surprise.”

“How high?”

“High enough.” 

Jen was about to argue when he let out a surprised gasp that quickly became a moan as he curled up clutching his mound of a stomach.

“Jensen…” Jared leaned forward feeling his belly. A few moments ago the flesh had been stretched but soft under his probing fingers; now it was downright hard under his palm. It lasted around thirty seconds before softening again. Jared leaned Jensen back against his seat as he gasped against the pain he felt. He kept his two hands around his belly as his hips felt like they were on fire and he tried to spread his legs as far as they could go so his belly wouldn’t press down so hard. It felt like his babies were sitting on his lap.

“J-Jared…” His eyes were scared and questioning as he found his husband’s now latex gloved hands pulling down his soaked sweatpants and removing his underwear.

“I need to check something,” he said putting a comforting hand on his knee. “Try and relax.”

He felt the doctors’ gloved hand enter his birth canal and let out a moan…it hurt.

“Jared!”

After a few moments the probing fingers were removed and Jensen let out a sigh as he panted.

“I thought they seemed lower…” Jared was muttering. "They must have started when we were still out..."

“What? What is going on? Are the twins alright?”

Jared paused not sure what to say.

“What you’ve been feeling are contractions.”

Jensen’s eyes turned from confusion to fear.

“No…” he muttered. “It’s too soon. It’s too early!”

He tried to smile, tried to keep his husband calm, but it was a grim one at best.

“Your water broke. You’re in labor and it feels like you’re already six centimeters dilated.”


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a medical professional. I use google.

It had been five hours since the crash. They had been out for almost four meaning that for the past hour Jared had been working on melting snow for Jensen to sip out of an old fast-food cup as he struggled through the pains of very active labor.

Jensen tried to rest between the contractions that were now coming every five minutes. There was no way he could climb over into the driver’s seat or lay across the two with his belly, so he was forced to spread his legs wide and labor sitting in the passenger seat.

The sun was beginning to disappear and the night air dropped in temperature significantly. The driver's door was the only thing that opened the SUV to the elements. The car battery still seemed to work alright so they kept the interior lights on and if those died Jared found a small camping lantern in the back seat. He’d managed to get the seat to lay back as far as it would allow before he set to work on searching his car for any supplies. He pulled out a pair of scissors from his EMT bag, and he managed to break open the trunk to pull out a large woven blanket and two large beach towels that had been left in there since the summer. From the blanket he pulled a few long pieces of string to tie off the umbilical cords…if it came to that point. He placed all his tools on the dashboard before turning to check on his husband.

Jensen’s eyes were closed and Jared wasn’t sure if he was resting or not. His breathing was still fast, as if he couldn’t catch his breath, and heat was radiating from him as sweat collected on his brow. His temperature was bordering around 102F. He’d abandoned his jacket and pants, and his hoodie was unzipped leaving his laboring belly to hang out as his white t-shirt clung to the sweaty orb. Jared placed a few more tools he’d found in the front seat and laid one of the towels over his husband’s lap. Jensen wearily looked up at him.

“This sucks.”

Jared held out the cup of icy water that Jensen took with a shaky hand and sipped at.

“You’re doing so well, Jen. “

Jared had his hands running along his husband’s belly. Towards the bottom he felt a distinct head pressing down hard against the skin. Without even checking the birth canal he knew that he was running out of time. Before he could remove his hand he felt the baby’s head shift down as the muscles contracted. Jensen let out a loud moan leaning his head back against the seat. Jared pushed back his lovers hair shushing him until the pain passed.

“I’m going to try and reach the road again,” he said quietly as Jensen looked up at him. “I shouldn’t be too long, but if you need me give me a call with that.”

He reached for a few of the items he’d found in the medkit. He handed his husband a small air-horn and placed the travel lantern within his reach.

Jensen nodded, he understood. “Be careful, Jay.”

He didn’t want to leave, but none of this was okay. They needed help. Jensen needed a hospital. He’d been checking his weakening partner’s blood pressure every twenty minutes or so, and it was just rising with nearly every contraction. Jensen had calmed down considerably, which brought the stress level down, but as his body worked to expel their children it wasn’t enough to lower his bp.

Jensen was never supposed to deliver naturally. There wasn’t anything wrong with his birth canal, but Dr. Brewster was convinced that a caesarean would be much safer considering how high Jensen’s blood pressure had been throughout the entire pregnancy. The possibility of aneurysm, heart attack, or stroke was too high to risk. None of this was supposed to happen this way…certainly not without a team of doctors or in the busted up remains of their SUV…

He’d managed to get halfway up the slope using trees as handholds about fifty yards from the SUV when he heard the air-horn let out a short burst before it fell silent.

Jared in a panic lit the flare and threw it as far as he could up the slope before sliding down and running back to the dimly lit SUV. He hoped the red flare had reached the road.

“Jen!” Jared yelled cautiously approaching the car, ignoring the knives stabbing his chest. “Jensen! What is it?” He ducked inside to find his husband clutching his head the air-horn abandoned on the floor.

Jensen was clenching his eyes shut and could barely get the words out between the sharp splitting pain and his gasping. “Head…hurts. Bad!” He yelled the last word out as part of a short scream just as the worst contraction yet hit. One hand remained on his temple while the other clawed at his large distended belly.

Jared reached out placing one hand on the protruding stomach feeling its trembling rigidness. The contractions were moving closer together.

“Oh baby…”

He waited for the contraction to end before pulling out his blood pressure cuff again. It took him seconds to have it ready and was about to wrap it around Jensen’s arm when the other arm suddenly dropped from his head as his breathing slowed just a few breaths. The gasping was still obvious.

“Mmm kinda’…dizzy…” he managed to mumble as his eyes shut.

Jared didn’t know how much more of this torture either of their hearts would be able to take.

“Almost there. You’re doing so well. I’m so proud of you.” He kissed the man’s sweaty forehead before hooking up the blood pressure cuff again to get the latest reading.

His eyes widened at what numbers he got. There was no way that could be right. That was way too high…he quickly took another reading and found it to be the same.

“How… bad is it?” How long had Jensen been looking at him?

“Not that bad.” Jared quickly lied unhooking the blood pressure cuff and resting it on the mess that was once a dash board.

“Liar…” Jensen gasped out. “You have…that…look. Tell me.”

“It’s higher than I’d like it to be…”

“How…high?”

“190 over 110.”

“Huh…” Jensen muttered almost thoughtfully before his eyes clenched again as both hands clenched around his contracting middle. “Damn…it…”

He pet his fingers through his love’s damp hair as he struggled to breathe correctly and resulting in his thin chest rapidly expanding. Just as the contraction ended and he’d managed to get an almost steady breathing rhythm again another one began…then another and another.

“Hurts…”

Jared kept glancing at the clock. About two minutes apart now...maybe less.

“I’m sorry about this, baby,” Jared said blinking quickly as he focused his attention on rubbing his husband’s back. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey…”Jensen turned his head, looking for the doctor’s averting eyes. “Stop it.”

Jared looked up surprised.

“This isn’t…your fault,” he panted. “Not the crash…not the labor…and certainly not…me being pregnant…” He worked on catching his breath and held up a trembling hand when Jared moved to speak. “No,” he said firmly. “I love you. I wanted these…babies. If this is…how we get…to meet them. So be it…”

Jared leaned in and kissed his first real love passionately on the mouth, one hand caressing the back of his blond head and the other his belly as he reciprocated. It was broken as Jensen pulled back with a whimper before his eyes went wide and he let out a surprised yelp.

“Jared…” Jensen panted his eyes closed. “I need…ngh…push!”

“Alright…shit…” Jared muttered trying to stay calm in front of his husband. “Let me check to see if you’re ready.”

Because of the position and little room in the crumpled car Jared helped him lift his bent legs to press off the remainder of the dashboard to get in a position where he could push. The lack of room made it impossible to get between his legs to check on his dilation, so he had to resort to feeling blindly again. Jensen didn’t seem to care about being checked because as soon as the next contraction hit he bore down hard, bringing his chin down to his chest.

He fell back exhausted and red faced before bringing himself back up to push again. Jared held his hand tightly, trying to sit him up and support him from behind as much as his sore ribs would allow.

“Try for a deep breath and push and hold for ten seconds,” Jared advised. He’d dealt with a few births but never anything like this. “I’ll count.”

Jensen gave a slight nod curling as far up as he could on the next contraction, grunting deeply.


	4. Part Four

Jared had been keeping an ear out for any passing cars on the distant road as he supported his husband and counted down as Jensen pushed. The road flare would have burnt out by then…if his toss made it to the road at all. So far he hadn’t heard any vehicles pass, and he was getting more and more worried. Jensen was obviously struggling as he pushed. Jared felt the heat radiating from him as the sweat soaked through his shirt. His breaths came fast, if he remembered to breathe at all. Jared tried to remain calm as he kept looking at the dashboard’s clock. He prayed this labor would be quick but of course it wouldn’t be. Nothing about this pregnancy was easy.

“One…two…three…four…five…”

Jensen made it through almost forty minutes of pushing to ten like this before heavily collapsing back into Jared’s arms, his chest trembling with frantic gasps. Jared couldn’t remember a time when he’d felt his husband so weak.

“Can’t…can’t…breathe…” Jensen's left arm was limp at his side as his right pawed weakly at his throat. His legs seemed to only be staying up because there was no room for them to fall. His eyes were scared. He’d been so brave through this entire pregnancy, through the entire crash, through the labor. It frightened Jared.

“Okay,” Jared soothed, gently placed a hand on his chest. He could feel how the ribs were straining through the taught, hot skin, could feel how frantically his lungs were expanding, and how manically his heart was pumping. His other hand was resting on the mountain of a belly, which he could feel quivering beneath his palm. “Okay…Focus on breathing. You’ve come this far. In out, in out, in out…”

Jared felt the muscles under his hand contract hard. Without missing a beat Jensen leaned forward and pushed.

“One…two…three…”

He made it to “five” this time before Jensen’s sweaty back met his arm again. The contraction still raged, but he didn’t have enough breath to keep from passing out. Jared took in his lover’s sweaty face resting on his shoulder. He swore his lips looked a little blue in the shadowy light. He looked like a fish gulping at the air. Jared had him sit out the next three contractions until his breathing didn’t sound like it was coming through a straw. In that time he took his BP again. 200/120…shit.

“Burn…ing…” Jensen stated weakly, visibly wincing as a new contraction started. Jared had to help sit him forward to push. He’d stopped his counting. Now the unspoken game plan was ‘let Jensen push until he can’t anymore.’

“Feel…” Jensen’s watery eyes looked to Jared. “How much…longer?”

The doctor gingerly moved out from behind his husband, leaning him back, letting him lie on the seat. He felt the entrance to the birth canal. Something was there…

Without thinking a giant smile burst across his face as he felt his baby’s head.

“It’s crowning! Baby A is crowning!”

Jensen let out a small smile before a much harder contraction hit and he let out a ragged gasping scream. “Up!”

Jared pulled his husband forward immediately as he bore down long and hard. This contraction either didn’t seem to end or they were just so close together it didn’t matter anymore. As the baby’s head slowly moved out it stopped at its widest diameter.

“St…uck! Ngh!”

He ended up bearing down in sporadic bursts not having enough energy to continue like he had been pushing. He felt the head keep sliding back; it was frustrating. Jared tried to help ease the ring of muscle past the newborn’s skull trying to prevent tearing. It was difficult for Jared to get a good angle without disturbing his damaged ribs as he leaned over from the driver's seat, but he didn't even think twice, pushing the pain out of his mind and focusing solely on his husband. Panting hard and fast and clutching weakly at his belly Jensen somehow managed to squeeze the head through.

Jared looked down again and was amazed to realize that “The head’s out Jen! It’s out!”

\---

Jensen could no longer hear over the rushing in his ears or the increasing pain in his head. He could no long feel his hand clenching his belly or Jared. He just had to get this over with. An elephant was sitting on his chest now as he struggled to take a real breath…but he didn’t think he’d ever remember how. It hurt.

He felt the painfully slow rotation of the shoulders before his body strained once more. He was all pain and numbness now.

The pressure was once again building. He pushed forgetting to breathe and pushed not remembering how to breathe. His life became about pushing and pressure. Not about living but about letting another life live because of him.

\---

In order to catch the infant Jared had to move out from behind his taught and struggling husband. He readjusted the seat so it sat upright again before moving between the trembling thighs. He supported the head as the shoulders made their procession then, a small push and a big contraction later, out slipped their son with a gush of fluid.

“It’s a boy! We have a boy! A son!” 

Grabbing a towel off the dashboard he wrapped up the small squirming infant who immediately let out a small weak cry at being out in the cold. He tied the cord with the yarn he’d pulled from the blanket and cut it. He was tiny but his lungs seemed healthy enough at the moment, and that was what he had been most worried about. He made sure his airways were clear before grinning like a mad man and turning to his husband.

Jensen’s chest was still running it’s marathon and his eyes were open but staring blankly at the child. He wasn’t like any of the new parents Jared had ever seen. There was no frantic searching for their infant...no questioning of its health...

Then just as Jared was beginning to become truly scared Jensen’s eyes rolled back into his head and he started seizing.


	5. Part Five

“Jensen! Jen!”

As quickly as possible Jared wrapped up his newborn in the blanket and gently laid him in the back seat, before turning back to Jensen’s seizing form. He managed to get his legs down off the dashboard and turn his husband onto his side. He was making an awful gurgling gasping noise as his lungs fought to breathe. All Jared could do was make sure he didn’t choke as his limbs shook and his body quaked. There was nothing else he could do…

“Jensen! No…c’mon…breathe…”

This is what they had been attempting to avoid for the past 8 months. This was the reason Jensen was put on bed rest, taken off work, and made to take medication three times daily. The spikes in his blood pressure and the diagnosis of preeclampsia were precursors to this moment…but still Jared couldn’t believe all of this was actually happening to them.

Jared's doctor-instincts caused him to roughly time the seizure and even though it felt like time was moving slower, only two minutes had passed before the tremors began to slow. The tremors became twitches, then finally the twitches abated as well and Jensen lay still. A few seconds after he once again began to breathe. Jared let out a deep breath he didn’t remember holding and just sat and watched his husband’s chest rise and fall. He was beginning to think that his breaths would always be too fast but his chest was moving. His husband was alive.

“Breathe…good, Jen. You’re doing so good.” He brushed his husband’s hair from his damp forehead and clutched at his limp hand as he gazed longingly at his pale face. After a moment he pulled out his stethoscope and listened to his straining lungs…there was definitely fluid in there.

He was dragged out of his worried musings when he heard a quiet cry from the back seat. The baby was letting his presence be known. He spun around surprised at the noise and stared for a second before picking up the newborn. All that hard work had brought him here, after months of waiting and planning, but Jared was suddenly finding it hard to smile. He felt the dried blood on the side of his face pull at his poor attempt at a grin. This was not how he had imagined meeting his son.

Jared made sure the corners of the blanket were tucked tightly around the pink little bundle befor sitting, stunned. He held the newborn gently out in front of him, supporting the small body with his elbows resting on his knees. He looked at the scrunched face and took in the small hiccuping cries before bringing the infant close to him, gently cradling him to his chest. Gently rocking his baby…his child…his son.

“Hey there, Baby A,” he said quietly as tears pricked his eyes. He was torn between joy and despair. “I’ve been so excited to meet you… but now wasn’t the best time, you know.”

His son quieted at the sound of his voice. Damn he was so small…

“I know you need a name but…” Jared’s throat caught as he looked over at his husband’s form inches from him. “Your daddy isn’t doing so great right now and… I’m worried about little Baby B still waiting in there. All sorts of bad things could’ve happened. ‘B’ could’ve gotten all turned around, or the cord could’ve gotten all tangled, or there’s the risk of placental abruption which means your daddy could be all hurt inside and both of them could lose a lot of blood. He’s already all banged up. I’m just scared, ‘A’.”

Jared blinked not really noticing why. The baby seemed to be falling asleep in his Papa’s arms. Jared bent slowly and gently kissed the dark damp hair on his new son’s head.

“I’m so scared…”

\---

He sat in silence gently rocking Baby A and monitoring Jensen’s breathing as the sun continued to set. A half hour later Jensen still hadn’t made any sort of movement and Jared was almost frantic with worry. His unborn child was also being eerily still as well. He felt no movement from Jensen’s usually active belly.

They needed help and he wasn’t about to sit around waiting for morning to come. He wasn’t going to let Jensen or his children die while he still had two flares left in his emergency kit. He checked his husband’s breathing and blood pressure, almost shocked to see that it was finally going down. Then he made sure his son was wrapped tight and placed safely in the back seat before grabbing a flare and sprinting as fast as his throbbing ribs would allow.

Jared was prepared for the slope this time, but his ribs were not. The new snow managed to create somewhat better footing for him as he carefully ascended towards the road. It was eerily quiet as the orange rays of the sun began to go down behind the trees. He made it a little more than halfway, still slipping and sliding in the dark, before throwing the flare wildly and tumbling down the hill again. He felt every jolt on his way down as his ribs announced their discomfort. In the last hard jolt before he managed to halt his fall at the bottom, he felt a few new ones shift, grinding together. He couldn’t take a breath for a few moments, his chest jerking as his diaphragm refused to let him breathe in.

Jay lay in the snow face down, panting trying to get the black spots to leave his line of sight. He coughed attempting to take in the oxygen his lungs were rebelling against. He tasted copper and, for some reason, he felt himself getting comfortable as he lay on his side in the newly deposited powder.

He couldn’t pass out.

He wouldn’t pass out.

But…he was going to pass out…soon.

It was a struggle but he managed to get to his knees. It was his pure strength of will that got him moving and breathing hard he limped gingerly back to the SUV. He was able to get into the driver’s seat grasping the doorframe heavily with shaking hands. He took one look at his still breathing husband and then let the blackness take him.


	6. Part Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did someone ask for more pain? You knew this wasn't going to be easy, right?

Jared woke in a fit of hard coughing. It took him a few moments to regain his breath as he took of his surroundings. He tasted copper. Damn rib must’ve nicked a lung which made sense as to why his breaths weren’t as deep and to why his chest seemed full of knives. He took note of the amount of time that had passed. Almost an hour. The sun was gone and the SUV lights were dimming as the battery waned.

Baby A was still in the backseat and was sleeping quietly. Jared gingerly lifted him from the backseat, making sure he was still bundled tightly. It was beginning to worry him that he was being so peaceful. He really needed to be checked out at a hospital, but there was nothing he could do for him here besides keep him warm. He retook Jensen’s vitals and noticed a drop in his blood pressure. His breathing was still fast but not gasping, he wasn’t nearly as warm and was much paler. Maybe this was good…

He kept a hand on Jensen’s stomach feeling the contractions continue even though he wasn’t at all aware. They came closer and closer together much faster than before. His only concern was…Baby B hadn’t moved for him. He hadn’t felt any movement from the second twin at all. All he could do was watch his son and husband breathe as the sun began to disappear completely. He knew twin births could be a few hours apart in some cases but doctors usually didn’t like the births to more than two or three hours apart. Jensen was nearing on two hours…

A soft moan almost caused the doctor’s worried heart to leap from his chest.

“Jared…?”

The doctor looked up from his husband’s belly to see weary eyes peering at him through their heavy lashes.

“Jensen…thank god.” He removed his hand from the contracting belly and grabbed his lover’s hand. It was really cold.

“Still in the SUV?”

A nod.

“Wha’ happened?” Jensen’s eyes were unfocused but were open as he blinked in the dim light emitting from the SUV. His breaths picked up as he began to register the pain of labor again.

“Your blood pressure spiked and you had a seizure. How do you feel?”

A strong wince crossed the older man’s face and his teeth clenched.

“Nng contractions… they feel…different, sharper than before. Ngh!” His voice was softer than earlier, almost whispery when coupled with his wheezing gasps.

“I think you’ve continued to have them for almost two hours. Baby B should be here soon.”

Jared quickly let go of his hand in order to feel Jensen’s belly contract hard again. They were getting close. It would be time soon. Jensen reached out clenched Jared’s hand again with the little strength he could muster and it concerned his lover. About a minute later Jensen let his head loll back against the headrest panting.

“The baby?”

“He’s sleeping.”

“A boy?” A smile lights up his tired face. Jared held the little newborn out and Jensen reached to gently touch his pale face. For a second it seemed like he was at a major loss for words. “He’s beautiful.”

“He’s ours. All ours,” Jared beamed. “I’m glad he has your looks.”

“Hey little man…He’s so small... What’s his… name?”

“I thought I’d let you name him since you did all the hard work.”

“I can’t even…remember the names…we looked at.” He rubbed at his slightly deflated stomach. “Well nothing cute… like Timmy and…Tommy when this one comes.”

“We’re Jared and Jensen,” the doctor pointed out trying to smile with him. “What else would we do?”

The two men’s smiles faltered as a harsh contraction hit again, taking the little breath Jensen had away.

“Gah…Can’t rest…for a moment…can I?” he muttered wearily as the pain continued to rage.

Jared whispered hushing noises as he rubbing the rock hard belly gently.

“Argh! Didn’t I just…do this?” Jensen groaned. “Nng Jay…gah…”

Jared felt the muscles continue to tense. Concern gripped him immediately and he quickly placed their infant in the back seat, making sure he was still bundled tightly.

“Jen…?”

“Wrong…” Jensen muttered gripping the sides of his stomach with both hands as he kept his eyes shut tight. “Some…thing’s….wrong. Agh.”

The contraction seemed to have ended but he still moaned and tried to find comfort in clutching his stomach.

“Where does it hurt, Jen?”

For a moment it didn’t seem like he had heard his husband. Jared reached out and took his husband’s icy hand that was slick in his grip. Jen tried to clench back but the hand was almost limp. He was so weak.

“Nnggh…sharper…inside…gah. Jay…” His voice was faltering as he tried to explain the feeling but didn’t know how. The pain was unbearable and he was exhausted. A tear escaped and ran down his cheek. “Can’t do this…”

Jared placed Jensen’s legs back on the dashboard and reached to feel his progress. He felt Baby B’s head already partway out of the loosened entrance.

“Jen, the head’s halfway out!” It worried him that Jensen hadn’t felt the baby crowning. “It’s almost over, I promise. You’re so strong…just think of the baby. Baby B needs you.”

I need you…

Jared kissed his husband’s forehead. He wanted to make another go for the road but didn’t want to leave his husband. It was killing him to see him like this, knowing there wasn’t anything he could do.

\---

Jared once again was holding up his husband whose head was now lolling backwards onto the doctor’s strong shoulder. He seemed too weak and unfocused to sit forward or support his body in any way so Jared was doing it for him. His eyes were closed and his breathing was coming in shorter and shorter spurts as he lacked the energy to invest in much else. Half the time he couldn’t gain the breath to talk so instead he tried to listen to Jay’s comforting words. The baby in the backseat was quiet.

His entire body felt like ice but he was gleaming in sweat. He’d let his husband put his sweatshirt and winter coat back on but he refused to have either cover and put pressure on his sore midsection. His t-shirt was soaked thru and clung to his freezing stomach almost desperately. The car lights had finally died so they were relying solely on the shadowy light coming from the small travel lantern.

It had taken less than twenty minutes of sporadic pushing for the head to emerge enough for it to caught at it’s widest point. If Jensen were able to manage strong pushes there was no doubt the baby would’ve been born already. This time around it was just amazing he was still conscious.

Jared was taking in the pale features of his struggling husband when he noticed a shaking hand make it’s way from the heaving belly to Jensen’s bony chest. He clawed a bit over his ribs before settling it weakly over his heart. His eyes opened wearily.

“Too…fast…” he managed to pant to the doctor. “Hu-rts…”

His eyes clenched shut again as another contraction took hold of him and he pushed so the head moved further out.

Jared reached over and grabbed his stethoscope and blood pressure cuff off the seat and listened to his lover’s chest. Jensen didn’t seem to notice his husband’s actions. Jay could barely hear his heart over his labored breathing. When he did hear the sound of a heartbeat he could tell it was working too hard; it was pumping too fast trying to spread the much needed oxygen to every part of Jensen’s body. Quickly he once again secured the blood pressure cuff around his arm and took a reading. Then another…then another. That couldn’t be right…How could his blood pressure drop from 200/120 to 90/60? Unless…

The seizure caused a placental abruption. He was bleeding out. What Jared took to be his body stabilizing after the first birth was his body completely weakening…and shutting down. He was losing him. He was going to lose them… He was losing them.

“Jensen…Jen…” he tapped his husbands clammy cheek managing him to open his eyes as his head lay on his shoulder. “This baby needs out. I’m going to help you but it’s going to hurt. I’m going to need you to push with me.”

Jensen gave a slow blink of acknowledgement as he grimaced in pain and gulped at the air with blue tinted lips.

Jared moved out slowly from behind him and laid the seat back as far as it could go and positioned his hands on the orb in front of him. He waited for the next contraction and practically laid all his weight down attempting to push Baby B into the night. He heard Jensen attempting to groan in discomfort thru his shallow breaths and refused to look at his face. He felt down at the contractions end and the baby’s head seemed to be out.

“Just a few more,” Jared muttered mainly to ease his own anxiety. Feeling another contraction, not as strong as the previous but there, he replaced the pressure to the swollen belly.


	7. Part Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...here it is...

Jensen’s battered body didn’t seem capable of rotating the second infant’s shoulders, so Jared gently took over helping the baby turn. He let out a weak grunt as he tried to feel something other than pain, but even that seemed to be fading. His small burning breaths came as visible puffs in the cold air, but they seemed to be coming at a slower rate now. He felt like he was drowning, unable to get enough oxygen into his needy lungs.

He felt the pressure of the next contraction but couldn’t bring himself to act on it. He heard his husband say the head was out but there was so much more to a baby than just it’s head.

He was done. 

He wasn’t one of those pregnant people who just said they were done, that they couldn’t push anymore. He knew it this time. He could barely breathe let alone push free their baby.

He had nothing more to give.

He felt his heart fluttering achingly in his chest and his lungs gasping away at the cold air. Everything burned so much in the cold. He felt his husband replacing his hands to his belly and pressing hard, even though he felt no contraction.

He didn’t notice the lack of pain, or how his eyes wouldn’t open, or how Jared was calling him…if he could he would’ve seen the red and blue lights flashing across the snow...

\---

Jared had managed to turn the baby and free a shoulder in a short amount of time.

“Jen, the baby’s got to free one more shoulder. Just help me with a push,” he said as he tried to figure out what his next move would be after his second child’s birth. He couldn’t leave his husband to bleed out, but he had to try to get help…the second twin yet had to make any sign that it was still alive. “You’re almost done just stay with me, okay?”

He was waiting for the next contraction or the next push from his husband, but nothing seemed to happen. It was then that he realized Jensen hadn’t responded to him.

“Jen?”

He took his attention from the emerging infant to his husband. Jensen’s eyes were closed and his features slack.

“Jensen!”

Jared reached up and tapped on his face a few times, before tugging up one of his eyelids. “Jensen!” His pupils didn’t seem responsive in the dim light and there was no other response from him. Jared quickly listened to his chest and heard his lungs still heaving but at a much slower rate. His heart was thumping quickly trying to move blood that wasn’t there. Jared wanted to stop and take his vitals but he couldn’t. He needed to finish birthing the second twin before he could put his whole focus on Jensen.

Jared quickly worked his fingers into the birth canal maneuvering the baby’s shoulder around so it lurched forward in the canal. He then placed his weight down on his lover’s bulging stomach with one hand and managed to catch his second son in a towel with the other.

There were two big differences between Baby A and Baby B at birth. The first was that A cried almost immediately while B was blue and made no sound. The second was that the fluid A emerged in was relatively clear while B came forth in a gush of blood.

Jared allowed himself to sit in shock for about two seconds as he took in the sight of his son’s blue tinted skin and the amount of blood that still poured from his husband. Then he blinked and went back into Dr. Padalecki mode. He swiftly cut the cord and pressed the other towel to staunch the bleeding, before cautiously checking the baby for any sign of life. He fumbled briefly but managed to find a weak pulse, something to garner hope. On autopilot Jared rubbed his second born with the towel trying to gain any reaction from the limp infant. He bent forward and sucked out the fluid and blood from his mouth and nose, spitting it to the side. He tried to ignore the rushing in his ears.

This wasn’t happening…

“C’mon, B,” he muttered as he proceeded to rub his chest, pat his back…do anything but think that this was it for his baby. He bent close to the newborn’s face and covered his small mouth and nose with his lips to puff mouthfuls of air into his tiny lungs. Not long after he lost the pulse and resorted to chest compressions as well.

He was so small…

Jared wanted to tend to Jensen, knew that his child was unable to be saved and his husband was dying beside him, but he couldn’t give up. He couldn’t let this life, this part of him, die without really living at all…

Then, all of a sudden, the baby gave a tiny jerk and a gasp. He didn’t cry, but he was breathing.

He was breathing!

Jared’s arms felt like rubber as his son took his first breaths. He wrapped him tight in the bloodstained towel and looked at him. He was theirs too. They were perfect.

As his panic of losing his son subsided he realized that there were lights flashing up on the snow bank. They were police lights, flashing red and blue! The sirens were growing louder and clearer over the rushing in his ears that almost covered up the noise. Someone had found them. He wanted to pass out with relief. His flare must have been seen. Someone must have reported it.

“Down here!” he attempted to yell but ended up stopping short, as his ribs sharply protested. He found himself doubling over, coughing hard. He fumbled beside him as he hurried his frozen fingers to find the air horn. He let loose a few blasts, stopping only when he saw figures making their way down the slippery slope with big black EMT bags and a backboard. Others were creating some sort of pulley system to help pull them back up to the rescue vehicles.

“We’re getting out…” he couldn’t help the laugh that choked up from his throat as tears of relief and pain welled in his eyes. He looked over to his husband's pale form as his chest continued to jerk with each quick breath. He moved his attention back to him as he realized how much blood had pooled on the seat down to the floor. Rescue may have come but was it too late?

As the running footsteps crunched closer in the snow Jared reached into the backseat and gently took Baby A into his arms with his brother. His skin was like ice and he let out a small mewling cry at being disturbed. Jared bundled the two against his sore ribs and zipped up his jacket to keep them bundled as he stumbled out of the SUV, letting the EMTs get closer.

As a group of four approached one caught his eye and opened his mouth to say something but Jared beat him to it.

“Thirty-two year old male, suffering from a seizure during spontaneous labor to twins due to a preeclampsia, with BP reaching a height of 200/120 this evening. He has decreased breath sounds on both sides most likely due to pulmonary edema caused by high blood pressure. The seizure led to placental abruption and rapid, massive blood loss. His BP was 90/60 when last checked approximately twenty minutes ago. Five minutes ago he lost consciousness due to hypovolemic shock…”

Jared didn’t notice how quickly he was speaking or the way his voice was becoming hysterical or how he was starting to hyperventilate.

He kept his eyes locked on the man who looked at him. He couldn’t take his eyes off him if he tried. This man, whoever he was, was his lifeline.

“You have to save him. You have to save him. You have to…” he broke off as he swayed, his breath leaving him for a second, black spots covering up his eyes.

“Woah there,” said the strong arms lowering him down to the snow. “Deep breaths, son. In, out, in, out…that’s it. I don’t need you passing out on me too, you hear? Now open up those eyes.”

Jared didn’t even realize he had closed them. The EMT was bracing him from behind, and was looking down at him with big green eyes. Jensen had green eyes with gold flecks unlike this guy’s who had flecks of black. Both of their eyes were kind though.

“There you go, son.” He was older, maybe in his late forties or early fifties. “The name’s Mike. You just keep up that breathing.”

A younger man behind him yelled over from the SUV, “See if you can get their names.”

Before Mike even had to open up his mouth Jared responded. “Dr. Jared Padalecki and that's my husband Jensen. Oh Jen…”

“His name’s Jensen,” Mike quickly shouted over to the other three EMTs who were working in the SUV, before turning back to the man in his arms. “Another ambulance is on it’s way to take you two to Davis General…”

“Four…” Jared muttered unzipping his jacket to reveal the two bundles inside. He saw Mike’s eyes widen slightly. “They’re a month early, both have decreased breath sounds, and A’s possibly suffering from hypothermia.”

“Alright…” He pulled out a radio from his jacket and reached over into his EMT kit. He moved out from behind Jared just enough so that if he did pass out he could grab him before he toppled over. “We need a few more sets of hands down here. How’s that retrieval unit coming?”

Jared stopped listening to the older man’s gruff voice and took to trying to amplify the chatter coming from the SUV.

“BP’s 70/50…you get a line in yet?”

“His veins are shot! I’m going to have to cut down.”

“Well you better hurry and do that. There’s definitely pronounced tachypnea. We need to get him intubated before we lose all breath sounds completely, and I’d feel safer doing that up top.”

“No sign of further contractions but his abdomen is still rigid. Blood must be filling the abdominal cavity. BP’s still dropping 65/45.”

“Okay, the line’s in. Pumping Saline to keep the volemic pressure up…find out his blood type for when we reach the hospital. Ger, help me turn him onto the backboard. We need to get him on a monitor…”

“O positive…” Jared murmurs as the man who called out to Mike before looked over at him. “Jensen’s O positive.”

He put his head down and stared at his hands. The hands that Jensen had commented on being perfect for a doctor, strong but gentle when needed. His “perfect” hands covered in his husband’s O positive blood. The blood his son’s now shared…

Another set of lights appeared at the top of the bank and soon three more EMTs were tumbling down the slope to them.

Mike appeared in front of him holding a bundle of reflective blankets in his arms and began to unzip his jacket.

“I’m going to wrap up your little ones so they can be checked up at the ambulance alright? You have names for these two yet?” he said, and it was obvious that he was trying to keep Jared calm, keep him focused. Jared had gone through EMT training; he knew the procedures when dealing with trauma victims.

“A and B,” he said without thinking. His head was too foggy to care.

Mike gave a small smile as he took B into his large hands and swaddled him in the foil blanket. “Those sound like fine names.”

“No,” Jared continued trying to explain. “I didn’t want to name them without him.”

Mike’s eyes looked a little sad for a moment. “I see…” he murmured.

Two of the new EMTs came up behind him and he handed B to one of them, before removing and swaddling A and handing him over to the other man. He explained their little known condition to the two men before they began to make their way carefully through the snow where they would be pulled up the slope.

“Hold up!” It was one of the EMTs from inside the SUV. “He needs to go up first.”

Jared swayed as he saw his husband emerge from the battered vehicle at last. He was wrapped in a heat blanket but the amount of blood on his clothing was still visible to him. Blood was all over the gloved hands of the EMTs as well. His pallor looked more vivid in the flashing red and blue lights from above. An oxygen mask was over his face, a neck brace had been applied, and an IV was in his arm. The three men who had worked on him each had a hold on the backboard and rushed past him to the slope where they were hooked up and dragged carefully up over the ridge and Jared lost sight of him.

Time passed quickly then and soon both his children were gone from his sight. It was all he could do to just sit and watch it happen. He heard two vehicles speed off, but so many more were up above. Why were they still there? Didn’t they know that Jensen needed all the help he could get…his children needed help. They shouldn’t be sitting up there making reports or taping off the road.

He didn’t even notice the shift in his vision as he blinked and then found himself staring at the stars as Mike’s face swam above him.

“Jared…”

There were a light shining in his eyes and he jerked his head as much as he could. He felt something around his neck that had to be a neck brace.

“There are those eyes,” Mike said gently clicking the pen light off. “Now just keep them open. You got that.”

Jared gave another jerk with his head. He couldn’t unclench his jaw for some reason, possibly dealing with all the chattering his teeth were doing. He attempted to move but strong surges of pain that had gone unnoticed before struck hard. He felt Mike and a few others around him probing at his head, arms, his legs…but it wasn’t until they touched his ribs that he let out a grunt of pain.

The grunt became a cough and with that cough came a gush of blood and then he was choking, sputtering because he couldn’t move, couldn’t turn over.

He felt hands on him turning him as he spat blood in the snow, then he was turned over again, this time onto a backboard. He was having trouble taking in air now, and felt a mask over his face pushing more oxygen into his mouth and nose. He was so cold, so why was he sweating?

“Jared.” It was Mike again. “Open your eyes for me, son. C’mon open them up.”

He tried but found he was just too tired to care.

The next thing that brought him back was the slam of a car door…oh right, the ambulance. He was in an ambulance, never to see that damn icy slope again.

“We have a male in and out of consciousness but mainly unresponsive with decreased breath sounds on the right and none on the left.”

“What about his blood pressure?”

“Hold on let me get him hooked up.”

“How’s that IV looking?”

“It would look better if we had some blood to give him instead of saline.”

“BP’s 80/55 and still dropping. Jesus…his ribs must have done some major damage to those blood vessels.”

“We’re going to need to intubate him soon. What’s our ETA?”

Jared didn’t hear the answer to that because the rushing in his ears was back.

They had gotten out. They were safe; they were free from that SUV. Almost eight hours in there? He wasn’t in charge any more…he could sleep.


	8. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate epilogues.

-3 months later-

He slowly scrubbed the dishes that sat in the sink in the dim light. There was no reason for him to hurry.

Nobody needed him now.

He sighed looking out the window over the counter as the sun continued to set. He thought about a similar sunset that passed only a few months ago, back when the snow was thicker but the ice was just as treacherous.

Pausing he looked down at his hands red from the water, long since scrubbed clean of the blood. He could still see it though, still smell it when he thought of that day. He could remember the feelings that came with that day: the racing of his heart, the pounding in his ears, and the pain of it all. The helplessness and uselessness as he tried to play god…

Putting the last lonely dish in the drain board he slowly dried off his hands, took one last look at the darkening sky, then turned off the lights. Even in the dark his mind could still picture the flashing lights across the snow…

The house was deadly silent as he made his way down the carpeted hallway to the unfinished nursery ahead. Life had been quiet for the last few months. Compared to the crash and the months preceding, it was almost eerie how peaceful the raised ranch was three months later. He doubted it would remain this quiet for long though.

Jared crept up to the open doorway of the nursery and watched as his husband held each of their boys, rocking them to sleep. They were still small but were healthy and beautiful…most importantly they were alive. They were all alive and were his constant reminder of how precious life was.

Jensen caught a glimpse of his husband in the darkened hallway and smiled. Jared couldn’t help but melt.

“They went right to sleep,” he whispered. “I’m just being greedy and don’t want to put them down.”

Jared moved closer to his family in the half painted room and bent down brushing each of his boy’s heads with his large hands before kissing them each on the forehead. He then moved to smooch his husband as well. Jared thought that he would always see Jen as pale after that night.

Jensen lifted his face and Jared met him on the lips with a gentle kiss.

“I love you,” he whispered running a hand under the other man’s jaw and meeting his mouth more passionately.

“Help me put them to bed and I’ll show you just how much I love you,” Jensen whispered back.

Jared let out a small guffaw at the glint in his husband’s eyes but reached down to pick up the sleeping bundle that was Adam, while Jensen stood cradling Benjamin. They placed them side-by-side in their crib before tiptoeing to the door.

“Goodnight A and B,” Jared whispered hitting the light switch.

“Sweet dreams,” Jensen murmured flicking on the nightlight and sending glowing stars across the ceiling.

Then they closed the door and Jensen pounced on his lover, pressing himself tightly against him. Feeling his husband’s need for him only caused him to respond more eagerly. It had been months since they had sex. The doctors had okay’d both of them weeks ago but they never seemed to find the right time with two newborns in the house.

They stumbled down the hallway leaving a trail of clothing behind them. Jared felt his husband removing his boxers. “Wait…” he murmured through lips his husband was currently nibbling at, but Jensen continued as if he couldn’t hear him.

\---

The next thing Jared became aware of was rolling off of Jensen, both of them panting rapidly. Jensen smiled as he curled up next to his husband, but for some reason Jared couldn’t.

“I missed that…” Jensen muttered contently, running his hands gently through his lover’s hair. “I missed you…”

Jared lay there quietly, listening to the contented sighs from beside him.

“Jen…” he began worriedly.

“Yea, Jar,” he muttered laying his head on his husbands sweaty chest.

“What if you get pregnant?”

There was a silence between the two for a few seconds.

“What do you mean?”

“What if you get pregnant again?”

“Well…then the twins will have a little brother or sister,” he said stating what he thought was obvious.

“No, I mean…what if…”

Jared let out a sigh and turned his head so his husband couldn’t see his face. Jensen propped himself up on an elbow to look at him better in the dim light.

“Is this why we haven’t had sex since we were given the ‘okay’? You still think it’s your fault.”

Jared stayed looking at the wall. “I just can’t go through that again.”

“And you think that I can?” Jensen said sharply. Then he sighed and in a gentler voice continued. “Jared, what happened before won’t happen again. And even if it did it still wouldn’t be your fault. I told you before…” He took Jared by the jaw and made him look into his eyes. “I love you. I wanted those babies because they are a part of you. I love those babies because they are a part of you. In the beginning the doctors told me that terminating the pregnancy would most likely be the better option than letting it progress. What would’ve happened if I had done that?”

Jared blinked, not wanting to answer.

“We wouldn’t be parents to those two beautiful boys in the other room. So, Dr. Padalecki…if I get pregnant I will go out and buy another crib, and welcome another beautiful baby Padalecki into this world. Do you understand me?”

Jared blinked again taking in the look of pure passion and love on Jensen’s face.

“I said ‘do you understand me?’”

“I love you,” he whispered, before forcefully pushing him down on the bed and crushing their lips together. “You ready for another go?”

Jensen raised an eyebrow and wrapped his arms around Jared’s neck kissing him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...that’s it. A lot of hurt but a happy ending.


End file.
